Greatest Story Ever Written-Or Pink Haired Trouble
by Bethany1
Summary: (warning: none of the senshi are "in character" that is the idea) The King and Queen are away on holiday, leaving nine senshi and eventually three starlights with a three year old. No problem, right? Or will the three year old be the one thing the Senshi
1. Prologue and Day One

Hi minna! Okay, first of all I want to give HUGE thanks to everyone who  
helped me with this story; Serenity Raye, Don, Pete, Zeeder, MoonAngel,  
and whoever it was that gave us the idea for the bath scene. Without you  
all, this story wouldn't be half as funny as it is ^_^  
We tried to make this as funny as possible -- PLEASE give us feedback  
on this! We all worked very hard on this!!  
Usual Disclaimers Apply -- nope; as much as we'd like to think it,  
not the first one of us own Sailor Moon. Bummer, isn't it?  
Hope you enjoy!!!!  
  
************************************  
~*~ Pink Haired Trouble~*~  
Part: Prologue and Day One  
Authors: Bethany - Bethany212@aol.com  
Serenity Raye - LilBit8318@aol.com  
Don - doniswong@hotmail.com  
Pete - devons@direct.ca  
Zeeder - Zeedercat@aol.com  
MoonAngel14 - LoveMoonAngel14@yahoo.com  
Editor: Starsinger  
Rating: PG 13 (language and "uncomfortable" situations)  
************************************  
~*~ Prologue ~*~  
  
The inner and outer guardians stood to attention, their hands  
clasped tightly behind their backs. Neo-Queen Serenity walked slowly   
back and forth in front of them. She paid special attention to each of   
her royal guard. They all looked calm and collected. This was an important   
event. They had been training well over a thousand years for this very moment.  
"Senshi," the Queen started, head held up to regal standards. "Today  
is the day you have been trained for... I wish you all good luck."  
Beside her, dressed in a pair of jeans and T-shirt, stood her husband.  
He rolled his eyes continuously through her speech. However, had she  
looked at him, his clothes reverted back to their *royal* get up -  
a lavender tux complete with mask and cape - and his face as stone hard  
as he usually was during meetings.  
Smiling to herself, Serenity continued, "I entrust each of you with  
this task, and I hope to find everything in order upon my return."  
Her fancy speech was interrupted shortly, "Alright already! Cut it  
out, or Endymion does the speeches from now on! Capiche? Jeez, Odango!   
Go already!" Rei demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.  
Endymion laughed shortly, before a glare from Usagi cut him off. "Ok,  
but - are you sure your ready for this?" she asked.  
All the scouts nodded their heads, Haruka coming forward. "It's ok...  
if we need help, we'll call the Lights. Now GO!"  
Slowly, forced slightly by Endymion, Serenity stepped into the waiting  
Ship, "Are you sure?"  
"Pleazeeee," Mako drawled, "how much trouble can a three year old be?   
Piece of cake."  
  
Famous last words, dear readers - famous last words.  
  
!@#%$#$^%$%&$%^*$%^&@%$#!%#%$!@#%@$%&$($^&!^%@$#%!@#^@%$&#^%*@%^!$#^@%$&*  
  
  
The trip was relatively uneventful. They arrived on Kabre (Bethany:  
unknown planet that I made up while typing it ^^) and checked into their   
suite.  
"Mamo-chan?"  
"Hai, Usako?"  
"Do you really think they'll be okay?" the Queen asked, worry evident  
in her voice.  
"Of course! Now, this is the first time since Small Lady's birth that  
I've gotten you away from the palace, and you WILL NOT worry about our  
daughter. Besides," he yawned, "how much trouble can they get into in three  
days?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~*~ Day One ~*~  
  
Staying close to the wall, darkness surrounding her, Haruka slid  
down the massive hallway. Like a cat she moved gracefully and in   
complete silence. In front of her, approximately ten feet, was her goal.   
Her mission. Her prize and all that that implied. She would win this fight!   
She would not be taken down and for that she would have the gloating   
satisfaction of being the first to--  
"Dammit!!!" she yelled as her goal took off, leaving a trail of   
giggles behind her.  
"CHIBI-USA!!!!!!!!!" the wail was heard through out the entire   
palace, and by the four senshi standing in the royal nursery.   
Minako laughed snidely, "Serves her right! I told her she'd never   
catch Small Lady on her own."  
Rei shuffled her feet and studied her hands in a vain attempt to   
keep from laughing. It didn't work, "HAHAHA!! Kami-sama! What was she   
thinking?!!" the former priestess cried, grabbing her stomach and almost   
doubled over in the essence of it all.  
  
You see, three hours ago Serenity and Endymion had left the palace   
for a 'romantic get-away' as Endymion liked to call it, or 'Endymion's   
attempt at un-interrupted sex' as Serenity would put it.  
Either way the royal family had left all the palace business, all   
the state affairs to the "capable" senshi. The Neo-Queen's only mistake   
was that she allowed Endymion to convince her that all the inner and   
outer senshi could take on wild three-year-old by themselves.  
For three whole days and nights.  
  
Mako was dumbfounded.   
As usual when it came to the first royal princess.  
As soon as Endymion and Serenity's ship was out of site...  
... So was their daughter.   
Cookies, cat calls, promises they never intended to keep - all   
failed to lure the three-year old from wherever it was she has taken   
off to. So, they had tried... desperately... tried to find her.  
They started with the children's wing. Where the maid present had   
informed the group that Small Lady had been there within the last ten   
minutes, wearing pink bunny pajama's with matching hood.  
Five minutes later, on the opposite side of the palace,  
the head butler for the royal family seen the small rabbit rush past   
with a large broach of some sort - and wearing a blue dress.  
  
"AHH!! Small Lady has the crystal!!" cried Makoto.  
"What?!" screamed the senshi.  
*SMACK* "Get a hold of yourself!" Minako cried. "Serenity has   
it with her!"  
Simultaneous groans were heard all about.  
"Okay, we got to find her. Ami, Rei - take the south wing. Michiru,   
Haruka - north wing. Hotaru, Setsuna - west wing. Minako and I will take   
the east wing," Makoto directed. The senshi started off on their hunt.  
"Wait!" Rei called, effectively stopping the senshi in their tracks.   
"Minna, put her pj's back on!"  
The senshi looked at her, then in unison. "Ami, you do it!"  
"WHAT?!" the dumbfounded and deserted Ami screamed, watching in   
wonder as all the senshi disappeared through out the palace.  
  
Setsuna aimlessly walked around the palace grounds, thoroughly   
unamused by the little girl's antics. The future dictated that they   
would become friends... but no one said she had to like it.  
"No trouble," mimicked Setsuna, "Just three days. HA! If only she   
knew how brash those-"  
*rustle**rustle*  
Hold the phone! Did that bush just move? Summoning all her skills   
accumulated over the past years, the guardian of time stealthily   
disappeared into the foliage and crept up on the unsuspecting target.   
The little munchkin's destructive run was going to end here and now!  
"Ah ha!" Setsuna triumphantly proclaimed. "Gotcha!!"  
*squish!*  
Indeed, the girl she caught was Small Lady. Now, the *squish*? What   
made that sound? Well, what would YOU be doing if you were a three-year   
old and hiding behind the bushes? Relieving yourself, of course.   
Suddenly, the semi-expected pungent aroma of human defecation   
reached Setsuna's sensitive nose... and almost made her throw up.  
"YUCK!"  
Instead of feeling embarrassed, Chibi-Usa smiled and innocently said,   
"I made a boo boo."  
An internal struggle took place in Setsuna's heart: dump the baby   
and save her clothes or take the baby and ruin her nice, new, expensive   
dress. Do I even need to tell you which option she chose?  
All across the palace grounds, even into the darkest dungeon,   
everyone could hear one very pissed off guardian of time shout,   
"GET BACK HERE AND CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!!"  
  
Haruka and Michiru - or rather Uranus and Neptune, took off down   
the north wing. Ahead they spotted a pink blur rounding the corner.  
"Michi, that way!" Uranus attempted to make a sharp curve but   
slipped on a wet spot. Her legs went flying out from under her body and she   
landed hard in the puddle.  
"Do you mind?" she asked, looking up. Neptune continued laughing.   
After a few moments she offered her hand and pulled her love up.  
"Haruka, you gotta bathe," Michiru stated, holding her nose.  
Uranus looked around and then down at the wet spot on the floor,   
then touched the wet spot on her backside.  
The warm, wet spot.  
The smelly, warm, wet spot.  
"Awww damn it!" Pulling her communicator out, she pressed the 'all   
call' button. "Listen up minna, Small Lady is heading west and she is   
leaking. Saturn, Pluto - good luck!"  
She glared at Neptune who was laughing again. "She.... you....   
pee...." doubling over she grabbed her stomach.  
"Yeah, yeah... yuk it up. I'm going to change."  
  
Setsuna looked down.  
A giggle. Then a swoosh of pink hair as Chibi-Usa ran past her.  
"THAT'S IT!!" Setsuna screamed, so loudly that the palace grounds   
seemed to feel the vibration.  
Suddenly time stopped. Just plain stopped, dead, everything.   
Setsuna took this time to look for Chibi-Usa. Finding her, she strolled   
straight to the nursery and dropped the infant into the playpen, changed   
her back into her pjs and resumed time.  
In a flash everyone was in the toddler's room, applauding the worn   
out senshi on her capture.  
Their applauding, however, was short lived.   
Swiping her hand in front of her, Minako made a face of total  
disgust. "WHAT is that SMELL?!"  
Looking around, the senshi tried to find the source of the horrific  
smell. Suddenly they need not look anymore.  
"Ewwww!" the toddler scrunched her nose up and took her diaper off.  
"That ewwwwiee!"  
"Ara Setsuna, I thought stopping time was one of your *forbidden*   
powers?" Michiru pointed out.  
The woman in question snorted at her ruined clothing and replied,  
"Anything goes when I'm ticked off."  
The rest of the senshi left it at that and retired to their respective  
rooms, supposedly for a good night's rest.  
Supposedly.  
  
~*~ one hour later ~*~  
  
Seated in front of a large mirror, Minako continued to brush her   
long hair, wet after a late, late, LATE evening shower. Day one was   
almost gone, and, indeed, day two held many surprises. She was just glad   
to have a third of her death sentence over and done with. With a great   
big sigh and an even greater and even bigger *plop* onto the bed, the   
blonde closed her eyes and cuddled in her pillows. Before sleep could   
take completely over, however, the silence was shattered.  
*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*  
Freakin' communicator. Can't live with it, can't lose it. And   
believe you me, Minako had tried, and tried hard.  
"Hai," she drearily answered, anger slowly surging forth.  
"Hi Mina-chan!" a cheery voice answered. Great. It was Serenity.  
Putting on a plastered smile, the senshi of love replied, "What a  
pleasant surprise!!!" Not.  
"How's Small Lady? We couldn't sleep without checking up on you guys!  
Was she a handful?"  
"A handful?!" No, she wasn't a handful. Try armful, truckload, or   
freakin' huge ass and you'll still be far off. "No, she wasn't a handful."  
"Good! Is she tucked away in bed?"  
"Hold on, Serenity. Lemme check."  
Why did Minako get out of bed to check on the pink haired demon?   
Why did she walk all the way down the hall, take a right, and knock on   
the door? Hell if I know, but when she got there, the formerly locked   
door was assuredly unlocked.  
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" she wailed into the communicator.  
Our dear queen and king was brought to immediate attention. "What?!   
What's wrong?!"  
"Uhhh, no... nothing," Minako stuttered, "I was just saying, 'AHHHHH!!!  
THERE you are Small Lady!"  
What a save. Bravo!  
"Whew. Can I talk to her?"  
Good one genius. How are you going to cover THIS one? Like any person,   
Minako did the only thing she could do. "I have to go to the bathroom. Bye!"  
With a soft *beep*, Serenity was disconnected and the entire force  
of the Sailor Senshi was summoned.  
  
Outside of Haruka and Michiru's room...  
  
"Oh baby, yes, more..."  
"You tease!"  
"Ahhhh, so you-"  
"Baka! Stop that Haruka!"  
"Oooooooooo... "  
"Mmmmmmmmmm.... "  
With all the grunts and groans, our two lovebirds failed to hear the  
beeping of their communicators. With all the oh-babies and come-ons, the   
two *ahem* responsible individuals failed to notice one little girl who   
opened their door and was treated to a litany of fast moving, wavering,   
and struggling shadows.  
Chibi-Usa immediately gasped, the worst coming to her mind:   
Haruka and Michiru were being attacked in their rooms!  
Now, when you are a permanent resident of the palace, you absorb many  
concepts: like what you are suppose to do when one of your friends are   
attacked. The response is typically to fight back with all your might.   
Chibi-Usa had lived all her life in the palace. The one thing about kids   
is that they're especially observant and Chibi-Usa was no exception. With   
a three-year-old approximation of a battle cry, she leapt into the fray,   
trying to attack the fictional creature attacking Haruka and Michiru.  
Haruka and Michiru, who had been occupied, could not help but be   
distracted with 30 pounds of toddler flying toward them. They leapt aside   
using lightning reflexes gained after fighting many campaigns.  
Chibi-Usa attacked the bed sheet monster and pummeled it with all the   
enthusiasm a three-year-old could muster. Unfortunately, the bed sheet   
monster was incredibly cunning and managed a neat trick of its own: it   
wrapped the child in its linen grip. Chibi-Usa cried as she fought her way   
to the surface, afraid that the bed sheet monster was trying to eat her.  
When she managed to disentangle herself, she spotted a very perplexed   
Haruka and Michiru. It was the sort of look a three-year-old got when she   
was in trouble. Fortunately, the three years she spent in existence did not   
go to waste. She had learned the secret weapon that every three year old   
has in their possession; the look of cuteness.  
Chibi-Usa used her greatest power, the look of cuteness, to the full   
advantage upon two frowning - nude - adults.  
  
Given that everyone in the palace was searching for one, "Small Lady," it  
could easily be assumed that the entire royal population was pretty much on   
edge. Imagine their fright when a high-pitched, pre-teen voice shattered,   
maimed, and super-novaed the calm night. Within a bat of an eyelash, guards,   
guard dogs, guardians, and even a few gardeners were standing outside the very   
open and very well lit room of Haruka and Michiru.  
All was silent. Why? Well, the men were ogling at the two naked senshi and   
the senshi were blacking out at the sight of a three year old princess sitting  
in the sheets of a... a... "tainted" bed.  
Said princess was the first to break the silence. "Gomen nasai... I...  
I..." She just couldn't complete the sentence; two bewildered, extremely   
embarrassed, and naked senshi standing in front of her was too much. Her voice  
eventually died down to a whisper.  
Then, after summoning enough courage, the little girl asked, "What were   
you doing?"  
Oh God... The "birds and bees" talk. The talk all parents have when their  
children catch them doing the nasty. Dammit, and her parents weren't home!!!   
Clearly, no one wanted to be the bearer of sex-ed. It was... was... SICK.  
A loud stampede of footsteps answered Small Lady's question: everyone  
had taken the moment of indecisiveness to leave. All, save one slow moving   
Sailor Venus.  
"Mina-chan!!" yelled Chibi-Usa, "What was they doing?"  
Fight or flight instincts kicked in. The blonde tried to run, but the   
demon girl took out the BIG guns.  
"If you don't tell me, I'LL CRY!!! WAAAAAA-"  
"Ok! Ok! Ok!" The unlucky, slow moving, tired, and extremely agitated   
senshi edged back into the room and sat on the coffee table.  
"Mina-chan... why don't you sit on the couch?"  
The idea graced her mind, but one look at the discarded clothing and   
crumpled fabric immediately shied her away. "Uhhhh, no, Michiru. The coffee   
table is fine."  
Thinking nothing of the cautious tone, Chibi-Usa proceeded with her  
interrogation. "What were Haruka and Michiru doing in here? I thought they   
were being attacked..."  
"Well, you see... darling... Small Lady... Chibi-Usa... princess...   
ummm, they weren't being attacked."  
And what pray tell, Minako, WERE they doing?! At least tell the girl   
SOMETHING. Jeez, some people. Even after living for a thousand years, they   
can't handle children. SHEESH!!!!  
"So what was going on?"  
"They... we... were... talking?" Haruka answered in a question.  
"Why so loud?"  
The blonde dumbfoundedly blinked a few times, "They were talking loudly?"  
"DON'T LIE TO ME!!! I'M GOING TO-"  
"Alright! Alright! They were doing the dirty deed!!! There?! Happy?!"  
It was Chibi-Usa's turn to look confused. "The what?"  
"The dirty deed! The freak nasty! The horizontal mambo! The honeymoon  
tradition!"  
Nope. She was still puzzled.  
"They were making babies!... sorta... Getting off on each other! Having  
their ton-"  
And like that, Small Lady left the room because she deemed Minako was   
getting way too scary. That night when she slept, she'd have nightmares about   
the "incident." However, she didn't sleep until five hours later. She was  
planning to ask some other less scary people.  
  
*****************  
Hey peoples! Bethany here.... guess what?? we like feedback!!! really!  
I'm not lying!!! Please email one or all of us with your comments, rantings,  
ravings, anything!! Thanks!!!!!!  
  
  
  



	2. Day Two

Hidy again! Here is day two!   
Thanks to everyone who helped me with this!!!  
usual disclaimers apply -- yeah, you know this routine  
  
************************************  
~*~ Pink Haired Trouble~*~  
Part: Day Two  
Authors: Bethany - Bethany212@aol.com  
Serenity Raye - LilBit8318@aol.com  
Don - doniswong@hotmail.com  
Pete - devons@direct.ca  
Zeeder - Zeedercat@aol.com  
MoonAngel14 - LoveMoonAngel14@yahoo.com  
Editor: Starsinger  
Rating: PG (language)  
************************************  
  
~*~ Day Two ~*~  
  
"Rei-chan?" a sweet voice beckoned. Rei looked down to find a head full  
of pink hair and cinnimin eyes staring at her. Taking a deep breath, Rei  
smiled.   
"Hai, Small Lady?"  
The small princess looked quite upset over something. She paced for a   
moment, her diaper making "swooshing" noices while she gathered her thoughts.  
"What is the dirty deed?"  
Oh yeah. Our former preistess was NOT ready for this one. The urge to   
laugh came to mind, but quickly deminished when she saw Chibi-Usa watching her  
carefully. Bending down to eye level, Rei looked Chibi-Usa in the face. "It's  
a form of wrestling."  
Blank stare.  
Sighing, Rei began again. "It's where two people who... care for each other  
play a wrestling game."  
Chibi-Usa's eyes brightened. "Just like Mommy and Daddy! and they even looked  
as red as Mommy does when I see her doing it!!"  
Biting her tougue so hard that she was sure it would bleed, Rei manged to  
disguse her giggle as a cough - a high pitched cough - but one nonetheless. "Umm,  
yeah Small Lady; like mommy and daddy."  
Happy with the answer and at her understanding of said events, Chibi-Usa  
hugged Rei breifly. "I think Haruka won... Daddy always does!" and with that  
said, she was off.  
  
Quiet.  
Strangely quiet.  
The entire palace seemed to breathe relief from not having a screaming,  
crying, or giggling three year old running through the halls.  
Except for the senshi. For them, this was *worse* than her running a muck  
through the halls.  
This meant she was into something and they needed to find her, fast.  
"Where'd you last see her?" Minako asked Rei as they walked briskly  
through the palace halls.  
"This morning. She was asking something about the 'dirty deed'?" Rei   
raised an eyebrow at our now blushing profusly senshi of love and beauty.  
"Ummmm, what did you tell her?"  
"Wrestling."  
"Good choice," Minako commented, entering a room.  
  
Little did the senshi and former preitess know, but our cute little   
princess was happily watching Animanics in Rei's bedroom.  
Now, why would this be a problem? It's just a cartoon for crying out   
loud - no biggie!  
Wrong.  
As Chibi-Usa watched one called 'plucky duck' go across the screen and   
throw toilet paper in the toliet and flush - over and over and over and over,  
a light bulb went off in her small head.  
Glancing over at the box of Rei's anti-evil charms, Chibi-Usa made a   
beeline for the bathroom at the end of the hall.  
  
Meeting in the conference room in the basement of the palace, the  
senshi set up their game plan.  
"MINAKO!!" Makoto tapped a stick on the blonde's head. "PAY ATTENTION!"  
Grumpling angerily, Minako got up. "I'm going to look, I suggest you all   
do the same."  
Makoto watched in something close to horror, although more on the edge of  
embarrassment, as every last senshi in the room filed out the door after Minako.  
"Fine then! I gotta go to the john anyhow!"  
Marching down the halls, Makoto turned in the first hallway she came to and  
started toward the end.  
*SLOSH*  
Looking down, our amazon senshi knew exactly what it was at her feet, but where  
it was coming from is what puzzled her.  
It seemed to be coming from EVERYWHERE.  
Every room down the hall had water leaking from under the doorways. "Oh  
shimatta," she grumbled, getting her communicator out. "Minna, problem in sector  
three."  
  
The senshi arrived shortly, and found water slowly making it's way down  
the stairs.  
"What the hell?" Rei stuttered, opening a door.  
Now picture if you will, a rather large bathroom, nice gold trimming,  
big crystal vases full of roses... water on the floor spilling from the toliet...  
anti-evil charms swimming in the liquid.  
"I'M GOING TO GET HER!!!!!!"  
Saturn, who had been fairly quiet until this point, spoke up, "I suggest  
calling in the recruits." The others looked at her strangly, then smiled.  
"Right! I'll call them!" Minako shoved Chibi-Usa at Michiru then ran off,  
Makoto on her heels.  
"I'll help Rei with her um..." Haruka gestured towards the bathroom and the   
others nodded. Just then an odd oder began wafting through the room.  
"When was the last time she had a bath?" Michiru asked.  
"I think it was yesterday morning, why?" Hotaru said.  
"Causesheneedsonebadhere!" Michiru said and thrust the girl at Hotaru  
then rushed out, Setsuna close behind.  
Ami began sneaking out when she found a sharp blade at her throat.  
"Don't even think about it. You're in this with me."  
  
"A plumber," *splosh!* "One thousand freakin' la-di-da years, millions  
of intense battles, and in the end - just a no-good plumber!!!" *splosh!*  
"And then to top it off - four bathrooms!! Four!!!"  
Haruka's complaining was just about to wear Rei's patience to a nub in  
about... oh wait, NOW.  
"Now listen here blondie!" the fiery senshi yelled while grabbing the  
other woman's collar, "I've had it up to HERE with your incessant complaining!  
If you don't quit flapping that smart ass jaw of yours and get plumbing, I'm   
going to take this plunger and shove it into your mouth sideways so you'll be able  
to swallow a turkey WHOLE! Do I make myself clear?!"  
"Ummmm, yeah?"  
Just then, a loud "WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" and a blur of pink hair streaked past  
the open bathroom door. It was followed immediately by two "GET BACK HEREs" and one  
*slip!* However, before Hotaru could completely fall, she latched onto the door  
frame and steadied herself... at the expense of the door frame.  
**CRASH!!**  
Hotaru blushed. "Gomen nasai... You were thinking about replacing that  
weren't you?"  
If Rei's face wasn't red enough before, now it was. It looked like some  
kind of volcano erupted. "OH GREAT PEOPLE! JUST TEAR APART MY ROOM WHILE YOU'RE  
HERE!!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST HAVE A POOL PARTY IN HERE OR SOMETHING?!"  
Backing off from her plumbing job, Haruka whispered to Hotaru, "I  
think she's mad."  
"Yup, no doubt about that one."  
Just as Rei was about to launch into a plethroa of explictives, Ami  
entered and broke up the commotion. "I'd really like some help, please? The   
daimo- I mean Small Lady, is using the wet floor like a gigantic Slip n' Slide.  
She naked, wet, lathered with soap, and VERY slippery!"  
Hey, anything to get away from Rei. Haruka and Hotaru made a quick exit  
to the Slip n' Sl- I mean, palace halls.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"At last! Some rest!" Setsun flopped down onto a bench, followed  
closely by Michiru.  
"Yeah, I know what you mean. Who would have thought a child would be  
that troublesome?!"  
"Remember Hotaru when she was young?"  
"Mm hm. Our Hime-chan was such a sweet little child, such an angel.   
She never did anything like this."  
"No, never."  
"If anything, she helped us with our li-"  
Suddenly the calm was shattered by another "WEEEEEEEEEE!" and a zoom  
of pink hair. A very pissed off Hotaru was not far behind, "GET YOUR PUNY   
LITTLE *(&@#$ BACK *&^$*&ING HERE THIS ^&$%ING INSTANT OR I'M GOING TO &*^$#ING   
TEAR YOU A &!@#ING NEW @$$HOLE!!!"  
Michiru and Setsuna glanced at each other and asked simontaneously,  
"Where did she learn THAT?!"  
  
Minako and Makoto passed each other as they paced back and forth in the  
teleportation room. Each second was more than likely bringing forth more   
distruction on the palace than the Black Moon Family would one day. And with   
each passing moment, Minako grew more worried. Finally a light began in three   
of the portals, and figures started forming.  
"YATEN-KUN!!! THANK KAMI-SAMA!! WE'RE SAVED!!" Minako squealed, hugging  
Yaten around the throat to where, try as he might, there was NO point in trying  
to breathe.  
"What seems to be the problem?" Seiya asked, slightly annoyed with being  
woke up(remember, they're in another galaxy) to take care of the senshi's   
'immediate emergency that can't wait another second.'  
"Umm... you'll see," Makoto said, dragging Taiki out the door, Yaten, Minako  
and Seiya in tow.  
  
Do you ever get that sinking feeling? I mean, when like you walk into  
a room and you're LITERALLY sinking because the floor is flooded?  
No? Well, I haven't, that's for sure. Safe to say, our new friends, the   
Lights, never has such a sensation either.  
"Uhhh, Mina-chan?" asked Yaten, "What's going on?"  
Before the blonde could answer, the water rippled and shook. It was slow  
and subtle at first, so slight that even Seiya thought it was his imagination.   
But soon, it was unmistakable: something was coming.  
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Ahhh, the miracles of a Slip n' Slide.  
"What the hell was that?!"  
Eyes were nearly bulging out of the Starlights sockets; was that the  
princess sliding down the palace halls as naked as the day she was born?! A   
storm of senshi came falling by shortly afterwards.  
Apparently, they were chasing the little girl.  
Taiki elbowed his brother. "We're seeing things, right?"  
Seiya only replied, "I hope so."  
Anyway, Minako (from out of nowhere I might add) handed each of the Lights  
a towel, a set of clothes, and a diaper. "Your mision -- which you have no choice  
in accepting or refusing -- is to capture, dry, change, and feed Small Lady. May the  
best Senshi win..."  
Just as she was about to walk away, she added, "And it might interest you   
gentlemen to know that the teleportation room has been locked, sealed, barricaded,  
armed, fortified, and guarded. Makoto," the brunete gave a curt nod, "has seen  
to those things the second you stepped into the palace. Don't think about escaping;  
it's impossible."  
Begrudingly, Yaten handed Seiya a thick wad of cash. The latter smirked  
and said, "I told you Yaten. Maybe next time, you'll wisen up and not answer her call."  
  
"Ready?"  
"Ready!"  
"Set?"  
"...."  
"Taiki!!!"  
"Okay, okay... Set!"  
"GO!!!"   
In corner one, standing five feet two inches, we have Sailor Star   
Healer - KKKOOOUUUU YATEN!!   
Corner two, standing three feet two inches, weighing in at an incrediable  
31 pounds -- Neo-Princess of the Moon and Earth -- CCCCCHHHHHIIIIBBBAAA Usagi!!!  
*DING!* And they're off!  
Towels forgotten, Yaten made a grab as he passed Small Lady. Notice the   
word "passed". In a frail attempt at grabbing her, he knocked off his   
well structured (or just plain lucky) balance and fell face forward, still   
sailing down the marble hallway at about 30 kmph.   
Whizing by a freaked out looking Rei, Yaten slammed into the wall   
head first and went unconscience.  
"One down, two to go," Rei mumbled, pulling Yaten through the water and into  
the side room to save him from any other crashes that was more than likely to be   
made.  
*DING DING*  
Now contestant number two, Kou Seiya, takes the ropes!  
Carefully he threaded through the water, closing in on Chibi-Usa; who was sitting  
in the middle of the hallway, giggling at Yaten's show.  
Just in the nick of time, she looked up and moved to the right. The sudden  
shock of the movement caused Seiya to loose his balance and fall to the ground  
with a *splash!*  
"Seiya funny!" Chibi-Usa giggled, pointing a chubby finger at Seiya's soaked  
form on the floor.  
Her naked bottom dissappeared down the hallway as she made her escape.  
  
Chibi-Usa: 2  
Starlights: 0  
  
Taiki looked forward. Honestly, he had never imagined that he would loose  
his balance so early in the game. Infact, at the exact moment Yaten took off.  
But then again, he wasn't expecting Yaten to use him as a push board to gain  
speed - inturn pushing him onto the wet floor. Trying again, he successfully managed  
to get up without sliding.  
And then, IT happened.  
Chibi-Usa smashed right into the just-now-gaining-his-balance-senshi in an  
act that would have made her mother proud. Both Sailor Star Maker and Princess of  
the Moon and Earth went down in a giant *splash* that caused the waves of water  
to hit against Rei's feet as she stood in the doorway of her bedroom (without a  
door frame) watching.  
"YES!!!!!!" Taiki screamed, bringing senshi to the hallway from every  
angle. Holding up the small child like a prize, he announced, "I DONE IT!!!!!!"  
  
"So..." said Minako.  
"Yup..." said Haruka.  
"Mmmmm..." said Rei.  
"I guess," said Ami.  
"Come on! It's not that hard! Just tell me what food you want me to make!"  
Makoto pointed to the two piles, "It's either carrots or peas! Carrots or Peas!  
How hard can that be?!"  
"Well whatever you desicion is, make it quick. I think the Small Terror is about to  
break free," Michiru added, sticking her head in the doorway.  
"Carrots," Hotaru said, and Makoto smiled and began cooking. The rest of the group  
filed out to watch the small girl. She was happily chewing on her bread.  
"How did you manage to keep her seated?" Ami asked the Lights.   
"The miricles of duck tape," Taiki said smiling. Upon closer inspection  
the group noticed the Small Terror was indeed straped to the chair, and the  
chair was strapped to the table.  
"Lunch!" Makoto announced, placing a plate of food in front of her.  
Smiling, Chibi-Usa tossed her bread at Makoto, hitting her on the head. Then  
turning back to the plate of food, she began to eat. Slowly popping the chicken  
nuggets into her mouth, she smiled happily.  
Accidently dropping one, she went to reach it but the large amounts of  
duck tape prevented much movement. Tears began to well up in her eyes. Sighing,  
Makoto went to pick it up.  
It was that little mistake that started it all.  
When asked later, no one could exactly remember that weekend. They   
remembered before and after, but that exact moment was never remembered. What happened  
afterwards, however, was unforgettable.  
  
Chibi-Usa eating happily.  
Makoto picking up nugget.  
Suddenly --  
  
**SPLAT!!**  
  
The plate of food fell onto Makoto's head, covering her with applesauce,  
nuggets, ketchup, cabbage, and those darn carrots.  
Makoto looked up, stunned, a blob of ketchup running down her face.  
The rest of the group stared in shock.   
Yaten walked slowly up to Makoto, trying not to smile. Reaching a hand up, he  
grabbed a nugget off her shoulder and wipping some ketchup off her face, took  
a bite. "Tastes good Mako-chan, but red really isn't your color." He ducked just  
in time to avoid her fist.  
"COME BACK HERE!!" she screamed, dashing after him. Everyone turned towards  
the two racing around the room. Suddenly Yaten stopped, dead. Makoto smashed into  
him.  
"What?!"  
"Look!" he pointed to the table. Makoto followed his lead. "What? I don't see  
anything!"  
"That's the problem, she's gone!"  
Ignoring the child missing factor, Makoto and Yaten got into a fight. Food  
fight to be exact. While the rest of the senshi slowly but surely crept out of the   
room, the two fighters duked it out with catsup (or ketchup), mustard (or that  
yellow stuff), nuggets (or chicken refuse), and those darned carrots. The end   
result was a Yaten- who looked like a salad, and a Makoto- who looked like a   
Ronald McDonald.  
  
So just what WAS our queen and king up to while all this was going on,  
unknown to them both?  
  
"Usako..."  
"Mmmmm..."  
"USA!!!"  
"Oh Mamo-chan!!"  
"USAKO!!!"  
"Ooooooo... OUCH!! Dammit Mamo-chan! Get it! Get it!"  
"LET GO OF ME AND I WILL!"  
"IT BIT ME!!!!!! WAAAAAAAA!!"  
Endymion snatched the baby bird out of Serenity's hand and let it  
go, then proceeded to nurse her bite mark. (what did you think they were  
doing? Geesh, get your head out of the gutter!! ^_^)  
"The skin didn't break Usa, you'll be fine." And instantly she   
stopped crying and looked at her hand.  
Taking a deep breath, Endymion wondered slightly if this was  
worth un-interrupted sex. "Let's go back to the suite, okay?"  
Nodding, Serenity started to walk, then stopped. "Mamo-chan?"  
"Yes, Usako?"  
"Do you have the map?"  
Silence.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the palace....  
  
After calling a temporary truce, the warring parties absconded to the   
showers, intent on cleaning themselves before anyone saw them.  
Now, with Yaten being a singer and all in his day, it's understandable  
that he'd have make-up with him. Afterall, make-up is what got all those  
legendary bands like Hole and Marilyn Manson famous. It sort of became a ritual  
for him; he used stage make-up to have himself look more... presentable...  
espcially around Minako.  
As the water cascaded from the showerhead, Yaten began singing some old  
tunes fairly loudly. So loud, in fact, that he didn't hear the bathroom door  
open, nor did he hear the slight pitter patter of feet on tile.  
"Take me home tonight! I don't want to let you go to see the light!   
Take me home tonight-"  
While Eddie Money raged on in the man's voice, Chibi-Usa scaled the sink  
and opened the mirror cabinet.  
Inside was the usual toliettries like shaving cream, and such; the girl  
knew it as Daddy's Stuff. Nothing interesting... except for a little black bag.  
Curiously, she opened it, revealing everything from gel hair removers to  
nose clippers to eye shadow. Well, of course our Small Lady hadn't been subjected  
to the wonders of make-up yet. She thought the gel as syrup, the eye shadow as gravy,  
the hair spray as aerosal canned cheese, and the *cringe* lipstick as... you  
guessed it, one of those old, old Push Pops.  
*CHOMP* *MUNCH* *GULP*  
Meanwhile, Yaten was still singing, "I need some company! I'm gonna need you!  
I need to hold you when the cold winds blow!! Take me home tonight! I don't  
wanna let you-"  
*CRUNCH*  
"What the hell was that?"  
Immediately, he thought that Minako had somehow snuck into the bathroom  
to get romantic with him. Yeah right, wishful thinking.  
"Mina-chan, honey, darling... Is that you?"  
Not hearing an answer, our hero strode out of the shower... only to see  
Chibi-Usa with her mouth covered in hair care products and make-up.  
Everyone was still. Chibi-Usa looked like a girl caught in a pair of   
headlights and Yaten looked... well, pretty stupid.  
Suddenly, the little girl giggled and said, "Yaten-chan wrestling with  
Mina-chan!!!"  
Quiet perplexed at the statement, Yaten looked down and realized that   
ummmmm, he had anticiapated Minako's arrival and well... was more than just a   
little excited. The little girl's words made sense... in one of those bad ways.   
But wrestling?! Where did she learn THAT one?!  
But first things first. Our hero gracefully yanked the shower curtain  
off the shower to cover himself. Now, if only he hadn't yanked so hard, the metal  
beam holding up the curtain wouldn't have come off and knocked him out cold.  
Yaten was found five minutes later by Minako. He was unconscious, wet and  
shocked.  
  
Sometime later... after Yaten managed clothes....  
  
The rest of the senshi, including the now clean Makoto, peered in  
the room.  
"Ummm, why do you have make-up?" Minako asked as Ami brushed by, checking  
the small girl over.  
"It's stage make-up!" The others looked at him strangely. "It is! It was  
left over from the whole Three Lights thing." Still the staring continued. "Stop  
looking at me like that! It was!!" Picking up the slimy containers, he dropped them   
in the trash. "This is all your fault!" he turned around to the small pink haired child.  
Looking up at Yaten, her eyes widdened and she rushed towards the others.  
Seiya picked her up, patting her back gently. "There, there - it's okay. No need  
to be afraid of the strange man."  
"Strange man..." she giggled, sucking her thumb. Laying her head on   
Seiya's shoulder, one might have thought she would go to sleep...  
"Awwwww she drooled on me!" Holding her out, he looked down at his  
shirt. "And this was my best shirt too!"  
But not for long...  
You see, dear readers, you can't eat make-up and there be no reprocusions.  
It's just not possible. And you most definitly can't eat make-up then be tossed  
around. The result of such a combination? I think that's pretty clear.  
"EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!" Seiya cried as suddenly Yaten's make-up decided  
to make another apperance.  
Smiling, Yaten took Chibi-Usa back, while Seiya went to clean himself up.  
"Such a good girl! Yes you are!" Tossing her into the air, he laughed.  
"Ummm, I don't think that's such a good idea..." Minako warned, but was  
cut off by Makoto shoving her hair towel over her head and tying it.  
"You have such a way with children," Makoto said, smiling smugly.  
Can you guess what's coming?  
Ready?  
1...  
2...  
3...  
  
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!" Yaten stopped tossing Chibi-Usa as the rest of  
his make-up re-appeared.  
Makoto smiled, "You know what Yaten. That really isn't your color. You  
should consider a new line." Taking Chibi-Usa, she left the room giggling.  
Yaten rushed into the bathroom, desprate to get cleaned up. Haruka  
and Michiru left together, perhapes to 'wrestle' some more. Ami and Taiki decided  
to find some research on child development. Hotaru, Rei and Setsuna decided it was  
lunch time.  
And Minako?  
Well she began wandering down the hall, bumping into things. "Hey guys!"  
she called. "Can you help me? I ow--" She ran into a doorway. "I can't see!" She  
stumbled about. "MINNA!??!"  
  
Makoto had put Chibi-Usa down for her nap. A few moments after the pink  
haired child was asleep, so was Makoto.  
Everything was quiet in the palace, too quiet... and we all know what  
happens when things are too quiet.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" a scream prierced through the comfortable silence  
that had settled over the palace. Starting, Makoto sat up looking around.  
"Is someone in trouble...?" she muttered looking around. Suddenly she  
saw it.  
"Awwww crap!" Makoto punched the wall then rushed out of the room.  
Yup, Chibi-Usa was on the rampage again.  
Following her insticts, or maybe it was the screams, Makoto rushed  
down the hall. On the way she spotted Minako.  
"Venus, we don't have time for these games," she said, grabbing her  
friends arm and continueing down the hallway.  
Finally the two reached the orgin of the screms. Taiki's room.  
Pushing the door open, Makoto rushed inside expecting to find blood,  
a dead courpse, army of youma...  
Instead she saw...  
... Nothing.  
"What's all the screaming about!?!" she demanded, looking around.  
"The brat ruined my books!" Taiki tossed one towards Makoto, but missed  
and hit Minako in the head.  
"Owww!" she squealed.  
"Take the stupid towel off your head!" Makoto sighed, yanking it off.  
Then picking up the book, she leafed through it. "So, it's just colorful  
now. What's the big deal?"  
"The big deal?! The big deal?!?! The big deal is that these books   
have been in the family for generations! Their priceless!"  
"Got that right..." Minako muttered, looking at the crayon drawings.  
"I heard... wait! Where's the others?!" He glanced around. "There should  
be two more..." Suddenly his gaze turned towards the bathroom. The child seemed  
to have an afinty for water... rushing over he looked and sure enough, two books  
were found floating in the toilet.  
"Eww.. " Minako sneered as Taiki fished the books out.  
"Just great! When I get my hands on her..."  
"Taiki! She's just a child! She doesn't know any better!" Makoto looked  
around, "Speaking of which. Where is she?"  
"I dunno, haven't seen her - or anything - for a while," Minako  
said.  
"This is bad! It's getting late out," he looked towards the window  
at the now darkening sky.  
Just then, as if on cue, a beeping noise interrupted them.  
"We have a major problem here!" Setsuna cried, "Someone has went  
through the time gate!"  
"But who could have gotten into..." Minako trailed off.  
"CHIBI-USA!!!" the three cried.  
  
And so dear readers, we begin a new journey.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Is this funny? Stupid? Are we wacko? (please don't answer the latter)  
We like email!! and feedback!! Please??!??!!   
We want YOU to tell us what you think!!  
  
  
  



	3. Day Three and Epilogue

Hi!! This is the last chapter for this story! Hope everyone enjoys!  
Sorry it took so long posting, I sorta forgot to send it last week ^^;;  
Usual disclaimers apply, we don't own Sailor Moon no matter how much  
we would like to.  
  
******************  
The Greatest Story Ever Told -or- Pink Haired Troubles  
Written by: Bethany, Serenity Raye, Don, Pete, Zeeder  
Editor: Starsinger  
Rated: PG  
******************  
  
~*~Day Three~*~  
  
Chibi-Usa stood in front of the pillard gate of time. The door   
looked to be made of pure marble, but the texture was something else,   
something alien. The phrases of the moon were engraved in eight seperate  
panels. The three year old approached the gate and it swung open in   
response.  
A rainbow of colours swirled inside the gate. Chibi-Usa was   
fascinated by the sight and moved closer. As she did so, she received a  
feeling from the gate, as if it were prompting her to tell it what she  
wanted.  
"I wanna see mommy," Chibi-Usa replied to the gate's silent request.  
Fear and apprehension filled the child, but there was also a feeling  
of hope. This gate could take her to the mother that she missed, a mother   
that left her alone in the palace with all the weird people. She stepped  
forward and the gate engulfed her.  
It was not typical for a pillard gate to simply appear in the middle  
of a hospital corridor, but that's what this gate seemed to do. Stranger than  
the weird gate was the fact that everyone seemed oblivious to it's arrival.  
This was a gate that made people take notice, especially when three year   
olds started walking out of them. Yet, the staff saw nothing strange.  
Chibi-Usa stepped out into the intimidating hustle and bustle  
of the hospital as adults ran here and there. Chibi-Usa looked up as the  
adults ran here and there. She looked up at the adults, hoping one would  
be familiar, but these people were all strangers.  
A loud scream from an adjoining room attracted Chibi-Usa's attention.  
She looked in to see a woman in labor being attended to by the hospital staff  
and her husband. The husband was his wife's encouragement while the doctor  
looked like a right fielder ready to catch a ground ball.  
Chibi-Usa took a step in, drawn by some mysterious force, she   
simply had to witness this. The woman screamed again as the as teh doctor  
stuck his hands up the hospital uniform. A minute later, he withdrew his   
hands. But they weren't empty, but now carried a newborn infant. The doctor  
cut the umbical cord and wiped the baby with towels provided by the nurse.  
Wrapping the baby up, he handed it to it's mother.  
"Congratulations, it's a girl," the doctor said as he handed the  
infant to the new parents.  
Chibi-Usa was then noticed by the doctor. "Where did you come from?"  
he asked the mysterious three year old.  
Chibi-Usa had no answer, but the mother helped her. "It's alright,  
doctor.  
The doctor nodded. "Okay, a nurse will be along shortly to do blood  
tests and take measurements." And with that, he left.  
"Hello, what's your name?" the woman asked Chibi-Usa.  
"Usagi, but minna call me Chibi-Usa."  
"Usagi, what a pretty name," the mother intoned. "Shall I call her  
'Usagi?'" she asked her husband.  
The husband smiled. "I think that's a fine name. By the way, I'm  
Kenji."  
"And I'm Ikuko. Would you like to see her?" Chibi-Usa nodded her head.  
"Usagi, meet 'Usagi'."  
Chibi-Usa looked at the newborn infant. A small crescent moon   
flashed on and off on her forehead - oblivious to the parents. It was then,  
that realization struck.  
"Mama," Chibi-Usa cried.  
"Yes, I'm a Mama now," Ikuko replied, obviously misinterpreting Chibi-  
Usa's responce.  
Chibi-Usa, filled with emotion, fled the room, teardrops forming  
in her eyes.  
  
The young princess sat on a bench sniffling. Her mother was now  
younger than her. Her mother was the one that needed attention now, not   
her. It was a sobering thought. She got up and wondered aimlessly down  
the hospital corridor.   
As she turned a corner, she bumped into someone.   
"Did you find what you wanted?" a voice asked.  
Chibi-Usa looked up to find herself facing the Senshi of time, Pluto.  
  
Sailor Pluto stepped out of the time gate into the palace where  
she was greeted by the other senshi. She kept the mask of indifference that  
she always wore.  
"There, we're back, no harm done," she announced.  
"That's great," Haruka replied, "but didn't you forget something?"  
she asked, pointing the the noticable lack of space that was beside Pluto.  
Pluto's face dropped. "Ahhhh, she was with me... " She began looking  
around as the rest of the Senshi began to laugh. "I'll never have kids  
as long as I live."  
"Since your bond to live a while," Ami noted, "I'm glad I have it  
recorded." She then showed everyone the recording device she held.  
"Can I get a copy?" Haruka asked.  
On that day, Sailor Pluto swore that this would be the last time   
she agreed to babysit anyone.  
  
~*~ Tokyo - 1995 ~*~  
  
A girl; young with long blonde hair up in buns and ponytails, skipped  
merrily down the street. Coming to a stop infront of the arcade, she took  
a deep breath and waited for the doors to slide open.  
"Hey Motoki-kun!" she called, skipping up to the counter.  
Behind the counter, Motoki was bent down over something resembling a  
high chair. "Motoki, what are you doing?"  
Turning, he smiled, then proceeded to go back to what he was doing.  
Finally he spoke, "One of the girls found a baby wondering the streets near  
the dock and brought her here." He lifted up a child with pink hair up  
in pointed buns and ponytails, similiar to Usagi's.  
"Your kidding? Found her?" Usagi asked, taking the baby and tickling  
her side.  
"Yeah, she was just walking around."  
Suddenly the child in Usagi's hands cried out. Scared, Usagi pushed  
her back into Motoki's arms. "What happened?!"  
"MAMA!!!" the girl cried over and over, her small arms reaching  
for Usagi to take her back.  
"Nani?!?!?!" Usagi squealed, moving back from the counter.  
"MAMA! MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!" the child screamed, tears flowing down  
her cheeks.  
"Shimatta kid! I ain't your mama!" Usagi looked from side to side,  
hoping that there was someone else that the child was talking about.  
A chuckling from the side got Usagi's attention. "Poor kid, thinks  
that YOU are her mother!" Mamoru laughed.  
"Shut-up baka!" Usagi retorted and took the child. Instantly she  
stopped crying. "What?"  
Looking down, she noticed that the pink haired child had curled   
up on her shoulder and was contently sucking her thumb. Instantly Usagi  
softened. "She's so pretty."  
On a spur of the moment thing, Mamoru stood up and ran his hand  
over the little girls forehead. "She is a cute thing."  
Usagi looked up at Mamoru in amazement, but said nothing. She   
didn't have to. It was soon to be said for her.  
"PAPA!!" Chibi-Usa cried, throwing herself in Mamoru's arms.  
  
Silence.  
And then...  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Motoki doubled over, pointing with a shaking finger  
at Mamoru who was white as a ghost.   
Usagi just stood, her feet firmly planted on the floor.   
Mamoru looked down at Chibi-Usa, then to Usagi, then to Motoki who  
was holding on to the counter to keep himself up. "Oh no you don't kid...  
I ain't your papa," he mumbled, handing her back to Usagi.  
That small action brought another wave of tears from the young girl.  
"Papa! Papa mad?!" she cried over and over, buring her face in Usagi's shirt.  
Usagi done the only thing she could think to do, she rubbed Chibi-Usa's  
back soothingly and whispered in her ear that it would be okay.  
Wiping the tears from his eyes, Motoki gasped for air inbetween talking.  
"She *gasp* thought that Mamoru was her *weeze* Papa and Usagi is *gasp* her  
mama!" *cough... laugh* "Wait til the girls *cough again* hear about *weeze once  
more* this!"  
"You wouldn't?!" Usagi and Mamoru screamed at the same time. This small  
action brought Chibi-Usa's attention back to the argueing "grown-ups".   
"Papa not mad?" she asked innocently, her eyes begging Mamoru to  
hold her.  
Usagi stared Mamoru down, baring into his blue eyes. Her message was   
clear. 'DO NOT MAKE HER CRY!'  
In the mist of all of the distractions, no one noticed the bells of   
the arcade door jingle, or the presence of a man about six feet tall, glasses  
and nice business clothes on.  
Mamoru took Chibi-Usa and hugged her. "No baby, Papa not mad."  
Giggling happily, she turned once more to Usagi. "Mama not mad?"  
"No baby, Mama not mad..." the rest of her sentence, had there been  
one, was to be cut off adruptly.  
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? MAMA!" Kenji pulled his daughter around to face him,  
"AND PAPA?!?! SON YOU BETTER HAVE SOME DAMNED GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THIS!!" he   
screamed in Mamoru's face.  
There are many constants in life. The world will keep on turning, cheese  
will always grow moldy, dogs will always hump people's legs, among many  
other ones. This just happened to be another constant.  
You know, the one about daddy getting psycho when he finds out his little  
girl's been knocked up.  
And at that moment, Mamoru was being introduced to another one of   
life's little profundities.  
"You.. you... pedophile!!!" Kenji bellowed while yanking Usagi away,  
"I swear, I'm going to... to... "  
Kill? Maim? Destroy? Tear limb from limb? Rip to shreds? Deciptate?  
Castrate?  
"... to... KICK YOU REPEATEDLY IN THE CROTCH IF YOU DON'T STAY AWAY  
FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!"  
Okay, not the retort I had in mind, but it got the message across.  
Mamoru, muddled and bewildered, backed away, checking his groin area  
to see if it was still intact.  
Understandibly, everyone was silent, afraid a single move would trigger  
the deadly explosive known as only P.I.S.S.E.D. - psychedelicly infuriated slami...  
I won't even try to finish that.  
Then, out of the blue, came Chibi-Usa's little, innocent voice,   
"Mommy? Daddy?"  
That was enough to ignite the waiting timebomb. Kenji threw a vicious   
punch at Mamoru, k.o.ing him with just one hit. He stalked out of the arcade,   
Usagi - and by default Chibi-Usa - in a tow. Obviously, he was heading home   
to grab the shotgun.  
My, my, would you look at that? The infamous Tuxedo Kamen got his clock   
cleaned by a ticked off parent. I think Beryl should start investing her time   
and energy into these overprotective adults and ditch those good for nothing   
generals.  
Speaking of her...  
  
Far, far away in a cold, cold place...  
  
"Did you see that?!" the queen of the Dark Kingdom asked.  
Zoicite grinned, "Tux-boy got his lights turned off by that roving   
maniac!"  
"EXACTLY." Beryl turned her head toward her general and sneared.   
"So what are you doing waiting here?! Go and capture this invaluable   
weapon for me!!!"  
"But-"  
"Stop your buts and move your butt!!!"  
"Yes your Majesty..."  
  
Usagi was being drug down the street, Kenji mumbling some choice   
phrases under his breath. Usagi was still in shock at seeing her dad knock   
Mamoru out. All over a kid.  
Speaking of the kid...  
She looked down at the child who was beginning to fall asleep. She had   
to admit... Suddenly Usagi turned white as a ghost. Though ghosts aren't   
really white, they're more translusant, and in movies and such they often   
have clothes and look quiet real just faded. And this is all asuming you   
belive in ghosts, if you don't then they don't have a color.....  
"Ahem!" narrator turns to see pissed readers holding flames.  
(Serenity: get it? huh huh? ...didn't think so)  
"Right, sorry."  
Usagi turned white as a ghost. There next to her was a black portal.  
Suddenly a head popped out. Well more than the head, and it didn't really   
pop....  
"....."   
Right right, the story. Well the head poped out, Pluto's head to be   
more exact.   
"I'll take that." Smiling she removed the toddler from Usagi's arms   
and vanished. Just as our heroine recovered the ablity of speech the portal   
appeared again.  
"Right, forgot something."  
And with that Pluto knocked her Princess out.   
Now you have to remember that while this was occuring one very ticked   
parental unit was dragging the poor girl through the streets. Unwilling, but   
at least she was awake. However now that she was out cold, her body was being   
drug along the sidewalk, her head flopping about.  
"My, my how interesting is this?" duh duh dun....  
  
Enter the villian.  
  
Kenji of course was too caught up in his own little world to notice   
the new presenance. Why should he? He certianly didn't notice the portal...  
"You! With the girl!" still he didn't answer,"HEY GUY DRAGGING THE   
GIRL!" Well that got his attention!  
Turning around Kenji FINALLY noticed Usagi was knocked out. Seeing   
as the only one around was Zoysite, he naturally assumed it was him.  
"Great! First she's knocked up, now she's knocked out!" he muttered,   
not noticing the lack of Chibi Usa.  
"Listen and listen good! You people need to...AWWW SCREW THE INSULTS!"   
and with that Kenji lunged at Zoysite. He, the he being Zoyiste, of course   
was expecting some long fancy pants intro, followed by a few niffty hand   
movements, and a fancy back drop.  
So naturally he was caught off guard. And knocked off his feet.  
Proving for the second time that day, that you don't mess with   
daddy's baby girl.  
"I can't belive this..." he muttered looking down at the general.  
"And you won't remember it either." And with that Pluto harnessed the   
awsome power of the Big Time Key Staff With the Pretty Dohicky on the Top -   
and hit Kenji in the back of the head.  
  
So we return to the future, with not one, not two, not three, not four,   
not....  
No wait, four. Yes... Four people out cold, one very confused acrade   
hottie, and a random guy that they passed on the street.   
  
Everything was quiet in Crystal Tokyo. The past few days had seen   
destruction not even heralded by the darkest of wars. To this, the harbinger   
of apocalypse only giggled and smiled, trying to look cute, trying to get   
off the hook.  
No such luck, girly.  
There were Haruka and Michiru, angry at the sudden ruination of   
their passionate night.  
There was Setsuna, fuming over having to not only grab a pile of dung,   
but also to go back in time to save the little demon.  
There were Ami and Hotaru, thoroughly riled over the Slip n' Slide   
incident.  
There was Makoto, extremely irked about the facial nugget dipping and   
duct tape on her furniture.  
There was Rei, nearly exploding from irritation and constipation   
because she couldn't use her toilet.  
There was Minako, quivering in her heels because of *THE* sex talk   
she gave.  
And then there was Taiki, ticked off over his redecorated books.  
Don't forget Seiya, who had his face planted on the palace walls.  
Finally, there was Yaten... He wasn't really pissed off, though,   
since Minako was on his mind.  
Eleven people. Ten of them wanted to throw the little baby off highest   
spire of the Crystal Palace.  
Majority wins.  
"Minna-chan?" Chibi-Usa peeped as her arms were hooked by two random,   
angry senshi, "Mina-chan? Puu? Ami-chan?"  
No answer. For some reason (At least one her young couldn't comprehend.),   
she was being dragged up and up and up and up a flight of still slightly wet   
stairs. No, really, she couldn't understand WHY her senshi buddies were so   
quiet, resolute, and overly scarey.  
After ten minutes of stair climbing, the eleven adults and one child   
got to the very top of the palace.  
Minako approached Haruka and said, "You may do the honor," mainly   
because of the homicidal glint in the taller woman's eyes.  
The Senshi put their hands over their hearts and said a short prayer   
for the little soul. A longer prayer said was for the party afterwards.  
"Ready?"   
Haruka nodded.  
"One."  
"Two."  
"Thr-"  
"HIYA MINNA!!!"  
What the hell was THAT?!   
Suddenly, the spire's door burst open, admitting a very rested and   
rejunvenated Serenity. Behind her, Endymion's cussing could be heard - he   
slipped on the wet floor and was currently enjoying a ten minute fall down   
the stairs.  
"Well, well, well," smiled the queen while putting her arms around   
her friends, "What have you guys been up to?! I missed all of you sooo   
much!!! And especially you!" Quickly and affectionately (In one of those   
ways only mothers do muster up.), she snatched the bewildered Chibi-Usa from   
Haruka's murderous grasp, "Oh yes I did! Look at you! Did you have fun?!   
What were you doing up here, deary?!"  
Then a random thought hit Serenity. "Say, what ARE you guys doing up   
here?"  
Throwing the daimon overboard? Dusting the youma? Saving the palace?   
Killing your daughter?  
"Uhhh, we were playing airplane."  
Wow. Nice save, Minako!!!  
  
~*~ Epilogue ~*~  
  
Chibi-Usa giggled adorably as Endymion bounced her on his knee. The   
room was strangly quiet after Serenity's last question.   
So, she repeated.   
"How'd everything go?" There wasn't an ounce of worry, or anything lineing   
her voice and the senshi were finding it hard to reveal exactly what all had   
happened in her absence. I mean, could you sit there - infront of your queen -   
and tell her to her face that you stuck not only your foot, but your whole   
damned *leg* down your throat? In the words of Makoto, "Piece of cake." So   
how exactly do you retrack and tell *everything* that happened?   
  
Simple, you don't.  
  
Swallowing soundlessly, Minako stood and smiled as brightly as her tired   
and worn face would allow. "Okay... Small Lady she is -- umm, well. The princess   
has lots of..."  
"Energy!" Hotaru supplied.  
"Yeah! Energy!" Venus wholeheartedly agreed. THAT wasn't lieing!! She   
had to have *tons* of energy to do all the running she'd managed.   
Looking relieved, Serenity sighed. Endymion on the other hand was ready   
to yuk it up.  
"See Usako!! I TOLD you they'd be fine! But noooo, you had to worry!"  
That was almost the breaking point. Haruka, remembering her   
embarrassment, started to open her mouth before Michiru stuck a hand over her it,   
effectivly silencing her.   
Serenity sighed heavily and gave her daughter a small smile. "Yes   
Mamo-chan, I suppose you were right."  
"So!" the King started, pulling Chibi-Usa up to rest on his shoulder as   
he stood. "Then I guess you all wouldn't mind baby-sitting next weekend too!   
We had so muc--"  
Before he could finish, a stampede ran through the room. No, not   
elephants(though one could possiblily mistake it for that), but senshi. The   
senshi wouldn't have ran faster had there been fire on their tales. Poof! One   
second they're there, next gone.  
"What'd I say?" Endymion looked down at the bewildered Queen, then to   
his daughter.   
Chibi-Usa giggled lightly. "Daddy? What the dirty deed?"  
  
The End...  
  
Serenity Raye: Wait!!  
Bethany: What now?!  
SR: What about Mamoru in the past?  
Bethany: What about him? ohh..... do you people want to know what is happening   
at this point in 1995?  
  
Let's see....  
  
Motoki looks up from his coffee. "Dammnit Mamoru! I don't want to hear   
another thing about it!! You DO NOT have a child with Usagi-chan and THAT is   
THAT!"  
"But I remember! Her dad knocked me out man! The little girl was cute,   
with pink hair up like Usagi's and..."  
Shaking his head, Motoki poured another cup of coffee. "Dude, your   
crazy!! There ain't no kid! "  
"You mean that little girl that was with the hot blonde?"  
Mamoru turned to look at the newcomer, he was tall with brown sandy hair   
and hazel eyes. And he was SERIOUS. YES!!! Mamoru thought, I'm not the only one   
who seen it!! "Yeah, you seen her, didn't ya?"  
"Yeah man! Her old man was dragging her down the road, a kid in her arms,   
screaming about how she had been knocked up! Was that you? He looked pissed!"  
Suddenly a black hole just appeared out of no where. A woman stepped out   
of it, effectivily silenceing all three men. Clearing her throat, she closed her   
eyes. "Boy I hope there is no permeant brain damage to the prince... like   
being easy to brain wash or something..." she grumbled as she took her   
big key with the pretty dohickey on top and done a 360 -- leaving three men on   
the floor in her wake.  
  
  
Fin~!  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
